and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
