how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
