I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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