I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
