im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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