Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
