You made me cry and you don't even care
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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