Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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