I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
