idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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