My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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