If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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