Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
