would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
