how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
