she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize