I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
