lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
