your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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