and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
