i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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