So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
