there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
