Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
