Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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