I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
