he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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