there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
