I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
