Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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