I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
