I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
