She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
