Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
