ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
