I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
