If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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