she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize