guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
