I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
