i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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