your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
