Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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