Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
