i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
