Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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