Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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