All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
