He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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