god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
