God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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