In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize