My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she told me i tasted like america
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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