I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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