If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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