i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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