She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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