The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
