There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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