I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
