Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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