tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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