just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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