You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
