Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
