Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
