Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
