I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
