"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
