hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
