I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
