Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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