i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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