Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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