I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
