New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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