I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
