i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
