i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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