the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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