he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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