I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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