Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize