Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im part way to drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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