I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
