i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
