I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
