running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
