i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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