im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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