Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fuck appropriateness.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
