1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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