What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
