Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
