In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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