I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
