so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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