Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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